10 Easy Steps to make Chutia of artists / bands in Delhi…

1.) Mediators
in the name of Artist Management get a gig for a band/artist. Guys gig this friday, big money 10k for 3 hours.The mediator has already sold the band for 30k !

2.) Band members like high school teenagers are way too excited to play at the venue and hence post on every social network about their gig…create event pages…send whatsapp messages to their friends,,,,need not to say they spend hours in jam pads to get that set list perfect.

3.) Once the band reaches the venue, they are treated not as artists but as some “Titly band party” who are ready to play and entertain as soon as the baraat arrives. “Abhi bajao paise baad me dekh lenge”…artists with due respect get on the stage…

4.) It gets more interesting now…A band plays for about 45-60 mins….needs a break…and there is a voice…once more once more….the band gets enthusiastic and pepped up,,,play for 30mins more without a break…bar owner is happy as customers order more booze.

5.) College kid has got his girl for a date…GF – Baby, please ask them to play that rock song no! summer of 69 !!! we will head bang together.

6.) The sound at the venue fucks up, some fool shouts; comes up with a special request….DJ laga diyo yaar, Yo yo Honey singhhhh!!!!

7.) Band finishes their set list…and change their role now…artists are now labours for the next 30-45mins coiling back their guitar cables. Dismantling their drum kit,. Some also carrying their stuff back to their cars (if possible on their heads), cause there are lots of people inside the pub ordering booze and there is a space crunch, and no one to help them other their their friends who have come to watch them play.

8.) The band is back and the bar manager gets someone to get the band members/artists some food and beverage quickly (we were happy to finally see some respect for the artists)

9.) Oops way to early to say that…Bouncer walks up to the band – sirji, badhiya bajaya aap logon ne…artists happy…and then; “bhaiya zara jaldi pi lo, bahar thulle khade hain, band karne ka time aa gaya…yaar ek disposable glass diyo…sir ap isme drink daal lo, bahar ja ke bhi pee lena… band members are dumb struck…but go out…

10.) Hopefully the payments have been settled by now else this is what you get to see….Band members – BC, ek to sound bhi bekaar tha; ab sala manager keh raha hai ki 3 ghante ki baat hui thi aur humne dhai ghante bajaya hai,,,,hum to time pe aaye the….inhone ne hi to late shuru karwaya….ab paise nahi de rahe saale…WTF!!!

On the contrary, some of the biggest so called music enthusiast places who say that they are there because of the music, do really appreciate the bands performance…the band is really happy….but here is the twist….”Guys, amazing performance, you know that we are a big name in the industry and we need to write to our Bombay head office to release funds for your performance. We will get in touch with you in 48 hours with your cheque and to discuss further performances for the future…anyways guys thanks a bunch for playing for us, it was great having you here….will call you soon.

Band is really hoping to receive the cheque. Further more, excited to get more gigs…fb and twitter already flooded with posts “We will be back \m/”

Chalo bhai, band ka kat gaya chutia. The band has been writing back to them for months now, and neither is there a payment nor any gig…..Band ki band hi baj gayi !!! On some other part of the world…Sir ji, mai chahti hun ki mera beta singer bane…kya ap TV pe shows karwate hain? Uske school me function hai, 3 mahine me seekh to jayega na, dusri taraf bete ko temple run se fursat nahi…

So this is how to makes CHUTIA out of bands/artists in Delhi… Only God can help Musicians ! perhaps should they should carry the burden themselves???

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